so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
