so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
