I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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