I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
