definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
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