I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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