did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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