apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
