found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
