Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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