best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
it's not cheating when I paid for it
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
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