I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
