can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
