Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
it's like heaven, but drunker
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize