new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
