On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
MIDGETS
????
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
