exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
