She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
