with your own penis?
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
