If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
