I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
