Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize