Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
COCAINE IS GR8
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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