and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
