bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
now i know why i became what i already was.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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