I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
