whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
