i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
