Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
