Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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