Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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