Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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