i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
