There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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