I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
