life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
