so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I AM VODKA MAN
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
