her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Too much gin, very little bucket
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
