"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
