im gay
i know
yea but for you.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
