none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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