Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
40s are totally the cure
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
