why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
