you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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