i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
