dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
