Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
