You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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