Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i came on her dog
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
