what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i drank out of a bidet.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
