Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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