it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
