i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
