he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
