Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
