he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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