it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
