I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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