Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
