she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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