Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
