my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
