So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
it's great music for shaving your balls
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
