i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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