maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i just google imaged poop.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
