You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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