the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
